A few weeks ago I had a slow day at work and was able to get out of the office fairly early. My gym was closed that day due to a holiday. I decided that I needed a little retail therapy so I drove to a larger city nearby for some shopping/me time. I decided to text a guy that I know that lives in the area. He is the guy that said “don’t fall in love with me because I am an asshole to girls.” Refer to blog This Calls for a Beer…or Six! Well…we have kept in contact with one another for the past year and a half. Our situation is complicated. Hell, I don’t even know what it is honestly. It is not sexual. It is not even close to being physical. We just text, flirt, and occasionally meet up for dinner and drinks.
So me and It’s Complicated/Asshole to Girls decided to meet up for dinner at 7:00 pm. I finished up at the mall around 6:00 pm. I had an hour to kills so I decided to treat myself to a coffee. I head to a local coffee shop to read, relax, and sip on a sugar free latte before dinner. When I walk in I am instantly drawn to a guy sitting to my left. He was very attractive, but was quite opposite of what I am typically attracted to. There was just something about him that caught my eye. He had a very preppy style and glasses. I am a sucker for both of these things. He had a shaved head which is usually not my thing at all. I have an obsession with a sexy head of hair. I will blog more about that later.
I order my coffee and as I am waiting on the barista to hand me my drink, I notice that I had worn a silver band type ring with a cross on it on my left hand ring finger. No idea why I did that. I never wear a ring on that finger. I discreetly slip the ring off of my finger and place it in my purse. I didn’t want this guy to think I was married.
There were only two comfy chairs in the entire coffee shop and they were both empty and in front of where the hot guy was sitting. I snagged one of the chairs, got comfy, and began to read my book as I sipped my drink. I am currently reading Sex in the City by Candace Bushnell. Very cliche to my blog and somewhat funny for this situation that is about to unfold. This book had been collecting dust on my bookshelf. Being a huge fan of the show, I thought it was time to find out how it all began. While reading my book, I kept having the feeling that someone was staring at me. I would glance up over the top of my book each time and catch eyes with the hottie. He was definitely staring. Ten or more minutes of this went by and I was beginning to get irritated. This guy needed to man up and come talk to me or quit staring. He was sitting with a couple and they were chatting. After several times of catching eyes with this guy, I began to get the feeling that they were talking about me. Finally he came over and gave me a note.
I respond to his note by looking at him and saying, “I don’t have a pen, but there is a seat right here if you want to come talk to me.”
He came and sat beside me and we began with the usual introductory conversation. “What’s your name?”, “Where are you from?”, “What’s your name?”, “What do you do?”, etc. When he told me that he was a Baptist youth minister, I immediately began to tense up. It was like in movies or cartoons when an angel and devil appear and are sitting on your shoulders. Oh shit! I sat up a little straighter, turned my book over, made sure not to drop the F bomb, etc. We exchanged numbers and I told him that I needed to go meet a friend (It’s Complicated/Asshole to Girls) for dinner.
During dinner, Preacher Man sends me a very nice text message. His message said, “Hey. It’s Preacher Man. It was so good to meet you. By the way you are stunning. I hope to talk to you soon.” I began to think that this could be off to a good start. I mean we had an adorable meet cute, he sent me a very nice first text, etc. Remember in the movie The Holiday when Kate Winslet’s character is talking with her elderly neighbor. They refer to meet cute (the way they met their significant other).
It is funny how quickly things can change. On my drive home, Preacher Man sends me a friend request on Facebook. I thought it seemed a little too eager, but brushed it off because Facebook is the norm these days. I decided not to accept his friend request just yet. I wanted to text him a bit more first. I sent him a text back to thank him for the compliment and to tell him it was nice to meet him as well. We are texting back and forth and things are going well. Then the first of many annoying/weird/creepy/crazy texts arrives.
Preacher Man says, “So why are you single?? I mean if I may ask.”
WTF?? Why do you need to ask this so suddenly. We are like ten texts in. I hate this question. Honestly I am single because I haven’t found someone worth giving it up for. I would rather be single and happy than in a miserable relationship. I respond by saying something along the lines of “I am single because I am happy and I do not want to settle just to be in a relationship.”
Preacher Man then says, “What are you looking for??”
Jeez! This dude wastes no time. I respond by saying, “You really put a girl on the spot.”
He says, “Sorry. I am kinda blunt.” No freaking kidding dude. I can see that.
After a bit more texting back and forth I begin to receive more and more annoying/weird/creepy/crazy messages.
Preacher Man texts, “FYI…you have curves for days.”
Not only did this annoy me, but it pissed me off slightly. I get this from men all the time and I just want to meet someone that doesn’t bring this up immediately. Don’t get me wrong…I want someone to think that I am sexy and desirable, but it doesn’t have to be pointed out. I see myself naked daily…tell me something that I don’t know. It pissed me off because it made me think he had the wrong intentions. And immediately I begin to think that Preacher Man is a closet freak. I responded to him by saying, “Yes…this I know.”
He says, “I need a better view.” WTF?! Seriously dude?!
I say, “Easy tiger!”
He says, “A pic is all I mean.” This really pisses me off. I instantly think you are a creep if you begin requesting pics of me. This conversation goes back and forth. He sends another text that says, “I don’t like sticks.” Quit trying to move the conversation back to a conversation about my curves. Fuck!
I finally make it back home and tell him that it is late and I am about to get comfy and head to bed. He responds, “Comfy as in what? Lol.” Adding an Lol to the end of a text with a sexual innuendo does not make it light hearted/joking. It makes you look like an idiot. I told him that clearly I was intimidated by his job title for no reason. He continues to ask a lot of questions. “Do you have a wild side?”, “Do you like to get rowdy?”, “Do you get drunk?”, “What do you do for fun?”, etc.
I ignore a few of the ridiculous questions. I tell him that currently I do not consume alcohol due to a strict diet that I am following, but that I do drink. I also say that the majority of my time is consumed with work and training at the gym because I am currently preparing for a bikini fitness show.
He says, “Bikini?? I wanna see that Lol. Any bikini pics??”
Picture request number two! This guy is skating on thin ice and is definitely getting on my nerves. I told Preacher Man that I do not send pictures like that.
His response, “Let’s FaceTime then.”
Dude!! You are psycho! We just met a few hours ago. WTF is wrong with you? I tell him my iPhone 5 is broken and that the 3GS I am currently using does not have FaceTime. He says, “Well send one pic and I will delete it. This is a compromise.” Fuck you dude. I tell this douche that there is more to me than curves and a bikini body. I go to bed fuming. Honestly…the nerve of this guy.
The next day he starts texting me. Clearly he is very desperate and horny so he doesn’t follow a three day rule. He asks me if I am all dolled up for work and requests another picture. This guy clearly can not focus on anything else other than my appearance. I am over this already! He then sends texts asking me more questions about my bikini contest. “Why do you want to do a bikini contest?”, “What all does this contest entail?”, etc.
I answer his questions and he responds, “I have never dated anyone that has done a bikini contest so I don’t know if I like it or not. Do you have a Mac?”
I say, “It is my first contest. I am doing this for myself and to accomplish a goal. I do have a Mac, why?”
He responds, “In my line of work I just do not know how I would like it personally, but it is not a deal breaker.”
F you dude! A) We are not dating. We just met yesterday. B) I didn’t ask for your opinion. C) It’s ok for you to repeatedly ask me for bikini pics, pictures of my curves, and for me to FaceTime, but a bikini fitness show is not ok with you. Can you say hypocrite?
I decide to take the high road and I send him a message saying, “I am not sure that our lives mesh in every area. This bikini fitness show is something that I have enjoyed working toward so far and I am not willing to give that up. I am doing this for myself and not for anyone else. I can understand not everyone agreeing with it and that is ok, but I work really hard for this and I will not give it up.”
Preacher Man says, “I respect your stance. I still would enjoy getting to know you though.”
I said, “There are going to be things with our lives that probably conflict. Your job has certain standards or whatever that are required by you and I feel like there are things in my life that are important to me that conflict with your life.”
He said, “Like what?? What else do you think will be a conflict?”
I said, “I am quite liberal about many things. And I stand my ground on things I feel strongly about.”
His response, “I could tell you were when you walked in the coffee shop. Your confidence is very attractive and is one of the reasons why I found you so attractive. Liberal about what things? We sound a lot alike. We have strong beliefs and stand our ground.”
Seriously?! We couldn’t be more opposite. Let the train wreck begin…
I say, “I am very liberal about social issues you may or may not agree with. Like gay marriage, alcohol consumption, pro choice, etc.”
He says, “Can you explain how you feel about these social issues?”
I feel like I am being interviewed or interrogated. Jeez! So much for taking the high road and trying to let this douche down gently. This was about to get interesting. The debate got a little heated. I am going to spare most of the details because it got to be ugly and extremely offensive/disrespectful to me.
After I speak my mind he says, “I am enjoying this and respect you and your beliefs. You are becoming more and more attractive by the way.” I ask him why and he responds, “Because of your heart and your passion. I wish you would FaceTime me.”
Seriously! He then says, “FYI…I haven’t been attracted to anyone like I am to you in a very, very long time. Can I be blunt for a sec and get personal?” Oh really? Now you are going to ask. Seems to me that you have been blunt and personal since the beginning. I see the blog potential in this and tell him sure.
He says, “Have you had sex?”
I was so shocked that he asked this that I sort of froze. I wish I had responded by saying, “Had sex today? Oh yes! Several times.” I wish I had done this just to mess with him, but I simply said “Yes.” I then asked him the same question. I wanted to see if he was a sexually frustrated virgin or a closet freak as I suspected. He answers my question and moves the conversation back to the gay debate. This guy is unbelievable! I mean seriously!
He then starts discussing vaginal feeling, throbbing sensations of a penis, the asshole versus sensory glands of a penis and vagina, etc. I can not make this shit up. A Baptist youth minister…seriously?!
I get really angry and tell him that I do not need an anatomy lesson from him. I am completely appalled. I also say that I am done discussing this.
He says, “I still want to see you. I want to hug you and even maybe kiss you.”
Dude…you are seriously fucked in the head.
I decide to just quit responding to this psycho. He continues to text me over the next several days.
“Good morning. :)”
“How are you??”
“Hey you. 🙂 How are you?”
“Hey you. 😉 How are you??”
“I just wanted to say it was so nice to meet you. It’s been a really long time since someone got my attention both physically and emotionally.”
“I can tell you are a beautiful woman not only on the outside but on the inside as well. If you ever want to meet up please let me know. I would be more than happy to meet you halfway or drive to you. I hope to talk to you soon.”
This was the final message. Hopefully this douche got the hint. What I learned from this situation: I would rather be an open sinner than a false saint.
*I would like to say that nothing was harmed in creating this blog…except for maybe my pride.